New Experiences

I'm all for new experiences and so have been trying quite a few out over the weeks since my last blog. New experiences include:

• Car Wash:
  I did this the other weekend with The Fox. I went through inside the car as it was my first time, though I am planning to go through on top of it next time - just need to source some goggles or maybe some sort of visor with a windscreen wiper.
  
  
• Buddhism:
  I've mastered the art of the cross flippered position and my Om Mani Padme Hum is really quite lyrical when I get going.
  
  
• Roller coasters:
  Foxette and I had a day pass to head out on the Harley the other day. The bike was fuelled up with my new patented household waste fuel (this means that I don't hammer the Fox's credit card with excessive petrol bills), my mobile was charged up with plenty of credit and Foxette had washed her fur so she would dry in the breeze on the back of the bike. Our instructions were to stay within a 10 mile radius of the M25, not to go through any carwashes, make sure we ate some fruit for lunch and be back before nightfall. We managed all of this, but did add in brunch at a fantastic greasy spoon (don't tell the Fox) which was just the job to focus the mind while we were on the Vampire rollercoaster at Chessington ...
  
  
• Bizarre new type of triathlon:
  
  Event 1 - Bog Snorkelling:
  The championships for this new sport is being held in Canada next week. It's a 150 metre course and all you have to do is swim like mad underwater in a bog. I do this for a hobby and my twirling flippers can propel me from 0 to 60 in 2 seconds underwater. I've been saving my pocket money and can afford the flight, I'm just waiting for clearance from The Fox before booking my flight. BBW is sticking money on me to win at odds of 150 to 1. The only thing I really need is a pair of speedo swimming trunks. The Fox is busy trying to sort this out for me because we're not sure if they come in my size?
  
  In the meantime I commenced my training this morning. I found a local duck pond and set the whirling flippers into overdrive. Foxette was there to support me, looking as serene as ever and indulging in her penchant for crumpets and cheese, however the session descended into farce when my snorkel flew off at 40 mph ... However, more unfortunately, my old woollen bathing costume disintegrated when I hit my top speed of 70 mph. The need for aerodynamic speedos has as a consequence, become paramount. Added to this I forgot the duck pond was only 50 metres long, and as I was hitting top speed I went straight through the concrete wall of the pond head first. Next time I must wear my crash helmet ...
  
  Event 2 - International salmon nutting contest.
  It's like fishing, only without the rod and line. Competitors literally head butt the fish as it is leaping boulders and generally challenging the swirling maelstrom on it's way for its mating ritual. My frog like vision and incursion experience makes me a sure bet for this event.
  
  Event 3 - Llama Rodeo
  Not so sure about this one, as you may remember, I've had dealings in these matters before.
  

!!! STOP PRESS !!!

The Fox has found me some speedos!!!!